Stuck in Late Nights

I think I'm starting to become an insomniac.

It's taking me longer and longer to fall asleep each night... I think the average time right now is about 4 hours. If I didn't have to get up so early for school, this wouldn't be a problem but lately I've been getting an average of less than 5 hours of sleep a day - definitely not enough.

Despite functioning in my sleep deprived mode all day, I don't mind it all that much (although I do get the urge to chuck my alarm across the room when it goes off. I am definitely not a mornging person.) I like the quiet and the peaceful atmosphere that night brings, and it's weird, but I like the feeling of being the only one awake. I can curl up on the end of my bed and just watch what goes on outside my window in the middle of the night, of course it's not usually much, although I've seen people street racing on my road before - even though there are speed bumps - which they probably figured out the hard way.

I also love the way that nighttime smells. It's like snow. Some people insist snow can't smell - but I beg to differ. In the winter, one of my favorite things to do for myself is just to snuggle up in a bunch of blankets and open my window and just feel the cold air on my face and smell all the coldness... if that makes sense. It's the best when it snows, I can sit for hours and just watch the snow fall. The streetlight just in front of my house makes it easy to watch the flakes float down and you'd be surprised how many people take 2am walks in the snow.

I think I also like nighttime because it's a time for me to just think without anyone interrupting me or cause a distraction. I usually come up with the bets story ideas when either 1. something happens in my life or 2. I think of it before I go to sleep. I have a post-it pad on my bed side table to that i can write down anything that comes to mind - because I know that if I don't - the idea will be lost in the morning.

Last night though, I was up for other reasons other than thinking... homework's been killing me. It's true that I had piano lessons earlier and that I spent some time writing/reading but it shouldn't have taken me that long... I get way too much.

So, yes, that's what I'm off to do right now.
Linear equations with 3 variables, here I come!

I may not make it out alive... or sane.

later

Sometime Around Midnight

Last night, as I lay in bed thinking back on my day, I realized that I needed to find a place to talk. I feel like I don't understand half of what's going on in my head these days, and maybe if I wrote it all down - I might make sense of my thoughts.

So really, this is just a place for me - like many other people who feel screwed over - to speak my mind with the comfort of knowing that no one I know will ever read this, unless I trust them enough to share it.

I've got life pretty good compared to some and I know that, I go to a private school and I'll go to college - not Ivy League - but I'll get the education that I need to "succeed" in life. I've never been abused. I'm not depressed. This doesn't mean that everything is good and perfect. My emotional stability over the last few years has been a roller coaster, full of ups and downs, mainly to do with that fact that my parents divorced when I was in 8th grade. There was no full out brawling fights between my parents, no custody battles, and no blaming it on us kids. It still hurt - and it still does. I think it always will.

I'm proud of the fact that I don't let the hard times in my life let me see the glass as half empty, I've always been an optimist because I really believe that most (I don't want to say all) people want to be good. It makes looking at the world just a little bit brighter. That light is definitely worth it.

I've gotta run now and do some history homework that I've been putting off (aren't you supposed to have fun at 16?) so I won't be up hideously late tonight... although I probably will.

That's life though.

later

P.S. I am in love with this song right now. It's amazing.